


FTS 4

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Humor, M/M, Other: See Story Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 07:50:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/795668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another foray into the world of big, dumb Jim and tiny, weepy Blair. Sarcasm abounds!</p>
            </blockquote>





	FTS 4

## FTS 4

by JenCat004

Author's website:  <http://www.geocities.com/televisioncity/lot/7708>

WARNING: I am NOT responsible for any liquids or foods stuffs that may be sprayed on your computer while reading this. This has been a problem before, according to previous feedbacks, so don't eat or drink while reading this! Also, ya might wanna go to the bathroom before reading, 'cause I'm also not responsible if ya pee yer pants. (Another reported problem.)

Thanks to all who have a sense of humor about the inherent ridiculousness of fandom. Thanks for all the lovely feedbacks from all the previous FTS's. You guys are the wind beneath my wings.

Just take it with a pinch of salt, folks. No harm, direct insults, or racial slurs intended. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY!

This story is a sequel to: Part 4 in the FTS series 

* * *

Jim grunted as a large fart trumpeted proudly out of his manly rectum, sending Blair's wispy, delicate figure flying out of the bed onto the floor, where he curled up in a whimpering, tiny, delicate, small, slender, quivering heap. But since Blair always spoke in whimpers, this didn't catch Jim's massive, manly attention and he fell back asleep, giving Incacaha's spirit a swift kick in the nuts, since he wanted to spend the night remembering past glories in Technicolor, not try to figure out some damn confusing spirit vision. (Which were REALLY hard to see, considering how dark that blue lens filter is.) 

Jim grunted again as Incacha gave him the finger while limping off into the netherworlds, clearing the way for Jim's memories. (Which is pretty darn amazing considering that Jim only has about, say, 100 working brain cells.) 

** _Scene shift to a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... No wait a minute, that's Star Wars. Uhm, once upon a time? No.... These are the voyages of the Starship- No, that's not it either. Hmmm...Okay, just shift back about 10 years or 8 years, or 15, depending on your opinion of the TS timeline..._ ** 

Jim grunted as he scratched his manly, bulbous crotch vigorously, picking out a few choice fleas and crushing them between strong, manly fingers of steel. (Okay, that doesn't really hold up as an analogy, because if they WERE made of steel, he'd have really stiff joints, very little flexibility, and let's face it, a BITCH of a time getting through airport metal-detectors. Let's just say that they're REALLY strong, okay? M'kay...) 

**ANYWAYS.......**

Jim grunted again as he stared down at his prisoner of war, Senor Haysues Alcante DelAricho Calderon Enrique De La Cruz Enchilada Ricky Martin Muendo Pinto Bean Hernandez Englais that-little dog-in-the-Taco-Bell-Commercial Acosta Avelar Chiles Chicas Hector Guerrero Valdez Huertas Smith-Jones-Huffington the third, glowering with all of his manly might. 

"You bad man!" Jim grunted. (Sorry to be repetitive, but let's face it, what can Jim do BESIDES grunt? Okay, nail Blair to any surface with an animalistic ferocity, but STILL...) "You run 99.4% of the drugs out of the Chenchamealiadonparaguavenchezcruz region, plus deal in slavery, racketeering, gun smuggling, prostitution, gambling, assassination, bribery, marketeering, PLUS, most HENIOUS of all...." Jim snarled. "...COUNTERFEIT PokeMon Cards!!!!" (Which is like, QUITE the business man, who even HEARD of PokeMon 8, 10, 15 or whatever years ago? The man's a freakin' VISIONARY!) But I digress.... 

"So what, you gringo american pig?" Senor Haysues Alcante DelAricho Calderon Enrique De La Cruz Enchilada Ricky Martin Muendo Pinto Bean Hernandez Englais that-little dog-in-the-Taco-Bell-Commercial Acosta Avelar Chiles Chicas Hector Guerrero Valdez Huertas Smith-Jones-Huffington the third, etc spat disdainfully in Jim's broad, chiseled, strong jawed face. "What do you think you, or your corrupt American government, can do about it?" 

"Oh, Jim show you JUST what American pig can do about it..." Jim grunted (With a hint of an evil grin) pulling out his massive, thick, strong, pulsating... knife. 

_._. _._. _._. _._. _._. _._. _._.*. 

"No, No, NO!!!!" Jim screamed furiously as speckles of spit flew from his strong, manly jawed mouth, soaking the room and even watering the plants outside. "When you hold the teacup you EXTEND your pinky finger!!!!" 

"Please excuse my grievous lack of manners," Senor Haysues Alcante DelAricho Calderon Enrique De La Cruz Enchilada Ricky Martin Muendo Pinto Bean Hernandez Englais that-little dog-in-the-Taco-Bell-Commercial Acosta Avelar Chiles Chicas Hector Guerrero Valdez Huertas Smith-Jones-Huffington the third said, bowing politely. "I'm afraid I do not quite yet have the complete grasp of the entirety of my etiquette lessons." 

"You stupid," Jim grumbled as he cut another piece of Angelfood cake with previous mentioned, massive, thick, etc, etc knife. "Now remember, use DESSERT fork! And keep napkin on lap!" 

"Oh yes indeed, quite right," Senor etc, etc (Just think how much easier it would be for him to sign checks and whatnot if he just used this version of his name, huh? Am I the only one who thinks of these kinds of things? Geez...) said, carefully laying (or lying or did lie or lay or...I have a headache now) the lacey napkin across his lap. 

"That better," Jim grunted (Powerfully and manfully). "Etiq- etick- etiquiche... MANNERS is important!" 

"Indubitably so, ol' chap," Senor Etc, etc, smiled, dabbing at the corners of his mouth with the napkin. "I must say, I am ever so quite surprised at this recent turn of events. I had quite expected to be tortured, threatened, or perhaps even killed to stop myself and my evil, murderous ways. But you, my dearest lad, have sought to teach me the errors of my ways with a good talking to, compassion and understanding of how my evil ways are merely a result of a small childhood trauma, realizing that all I needed was a hug, and etiquette (how did he learn that word if even Jim can't say it? Hmmm....) lessons, so I might learn to become an upstanding member of society." 

"Those not Jim's ways," Jim said firmly, the muscle in his powerful, manly jaw twitching. "Other soldiers maybe do those bad things, but Jim...." He sniffed, wiping away the single tear that managed to escape from his ice blue, steely eyes to run slowly down his chiseled, masculine cheek. "Jim could never hurt anyone, even with Jim's many years of training in Covert and Black Ops. No, Jim a Ranger, the toughest, roughest, battle-hardened corps in the Army, but Jim could never hurt anyone, no matter how evil, how bad, no matter how many people they've slaughtered, no matter how many more will surely die at their hands if Jim not stop them, no matter if it means Jim's own life, even the life of his sweet, small, tiny, delicate, helpless, sweet, itsy-bitsy bestest friend and love in the whole-wide world, Fluffy, my little teacup poodle." (What, you were expecting him to say Blair? He hasn't met Blair yet. Geez, pay attention, willya?) "No, not even if that person going to destroy the whole world, Jim could never hurt anybody. If he did, the guilt would destroy him, and haunt him to the end of his days." 

"But, you kill people almost every week," Senor Etc, etc stammered. (Yes, they get UPN and Sci FI even at the bad-guys houses.) 

"Canon mean NOTHING to Jim!" Jim shouted, again spraying the tent with enough expectorant to cure the drought in Africa (too bad he was in South America, the big jerk). "Canon only matter when it something as important as whether Fluffy call me 'BIG Guy' or 'TOUGH Guy'!!! Canon mean NOTHING when it comes to how Jim feel if he kill someone! That not matter! It insignificant!!" 

"Ah yes, of course, you are most correct," Senor Etc. etc apologized profusely while squee-geeing off Jim's ocean of spittle. "But just to refresh my EVER-so addled memory..." 

"Exactly which episode was it where Blair first said, 'Oh Jim, fuck me harder'?" 

* * *

End FTS 4 by JenCat004: JenCat004@aol.com

Author and story notes above.

  
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